Jun 23

Hi, I first wanna start by saying ‘Anna knatait’ because I didn’t catch your name. I think it was Mary, Marian, Mariam, or Marina. I just remember seeing you each night in tasbeha. I thought that it was awesome that you know how to sing shere ne. I tried talking to you during quiet time, but I saw that you were taking it seriously. That’s hott. I had a tough time focusing during the sermon because I couldn’t help but thinking about the way you wore your asharb. Lord have mercy, 41 times Lord have mercy. I wasn’t sure if you were into me, but I felt like you didn’t take you’re eyes off me even I was holding the candle for abouna during communion. I really hope to see you soon and maybe we could read the agpeya together, all the hours, even the midnight watches.

(post with permission of the author, j.)

Jun 22

A decision from the most recent Holy Synod meeting (May 2015):
“Churches are obligated to follow the usual rituals of the Resurrection Re-enacting without the use of any special effects of sound, light, 3D, special theatrical effects or fog, etc.”

Posted by Not So Spiritual Words in a post called “Changes in Church Rites Rejected by the Holy Synod” in March 2008:
“Allow the use of strobes, laser lights and smoke pots during the Resurrection play during Easter liturgy.”

Hmm…one can only conclude that a number of members of the Holy Synod, and potentially His Holiness as well, read NSSW. That we, the management of NSSW, are the power in the shadows that guides the church. That we are the mouthpiece of God.

(or it could just be coincidence…but we think not)

Jun 09
  • Public Bathroom Door Defender: Guarding the door of a public bathroom while a member of the clergy is inside awkwardly using the urinal because their cassock.
  • Beard Browser: Checking the beard of clergy members for various stray crumbs.
  • Hitman Enforcer: Usually each priest has one specific member of the diaconate to whom with just a nod towards during liturgy will get various offenders; such as overly loud off key members of the chorus, the random child strolling into the altar, the teta who insists she needs a gallon of holy water NOW etc.; taken care of. Often times doubles as Baby Sitter, the deacon watching all the little kids who are doubtful that they were ever properly ordained to the rank of chanter but parents dress them in a tunic so they become someone elses problem during liturgy. (well technical some of this is in the job description for sub-deacon but not quite in the way and scope the hitman enforcer performs his tasks)
  • Mailman: The person because of where he is standing gets passed all the petitions from the congregation to pass into the altar to the priest.
May 19

Marriage is seen by the fathers a path to salvation. So is martyrdom, and its quicker and potentially less painful.

May 02

People often like to quote verses of Scripture to serve as a comfort to people in various situations, here are some verses that don’t work and the situations that they don’t…

“Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luk 12:6-7 NKJV)

  • Where does this leave bald men…

“Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish.” (Joh 21:18 NKJV)

  • Men about to get married…
  • Men named Peter…
  • Men named Peter who are about to get married…

“…For so He gives His beloved sleep.” (Psa 127:2 NKJV)  “There is no peace,” says the LORD, “for the wicked.” (Isa 48:22 NKJV)

  • Those suffering from sleepless nights…

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.” (Psa 119:71 NKJV)

  • Slow learners or those with learning issues…

“Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. ” (Psa 30:5 NKJV)

  • People who live far enough north that night times during the winter can last for months.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Php 4:13 NKJV)

  • The person who has yet just another project with a ridiculous timeline dumped on them, wishing Christ was an expert in whatever critical piece of software needed to accomplish the goals…


Apr 23

More patristic gems from NSSW’s latest service  “Fortune Cookie Christianity“™

patristic meme 1


(Editor’s Note: An Explanation in case you don’t get the joke.  In St. Cyril of Alexandria’s  commentary on the Gospel of Luke (and other writings) one of the major points or themes in his theology is that Jesus Christ was incarnate and did things in the flesh so that we, too, who are in the flesh can and should do them, eg be baptised, resist temptation of the devil, even resurrecting from the dead, et c..)


patristic meme 2


Yes uncharacteristically overly cute, it can’t be all borderline blasphemy
Apr 16

Coptic News Network news brief

Area man, Mina Kyrillos Mina, wants it know he is not a living saint or even a particularly pious person just a person who had the misfortune being in a rush in the shower and grab the wrong bottle. His travails started when he overslept for liturgy and hop in the shower for quick scrub where he accidentally grabbed his wife’s Herbal Essences rose scented shampoo instead of his bottle of Old Spice body wash.  He realized his mistake too late as he washed himself but thought nothing of it. He unfortunately did not realize how strongly he smelled of roses from which his troubles arose.

He arrived to liturgy at his local church just in time to vest. While standing there his fellow deacons noticed the the smell of roses coming from him. Mina K. Mina would have expected them to make fun of him for his feminine scent. Instead they began to whisper among themselves that he was sweating holy myrrh like many well known icons. These rumors quickly spread through the congregation. Mina thought it bizarre when old ladies would come up to him and instead of handing him a prayer request to pass to the priest, they would wipe him with their handkerchiefs.  Things came to a tragic climax at the end of liturgy when he was mobbed by a bunch of women who tore bits of his clothes off and even cut chunks of his hair. He stated he always fantasized about a mob of women tearing off his clothes but definitely not in that way.  He managed to escape with barely enough clothes to escape public indecency charges. Mina, though, greatly regrets having to punch his grandmother in effecting his escape.

Mina thought if he came to church the following week definitely not smelling of roses things would die down, so he doused himself from an old bottle of Brut he had since high school from when he started shaving. It was to no avail. Again during liturgy old ladies would come up to him and start wiping him with their handkerchiefs. Having learned his lesson he escaped from church before the end of liturgy through the back exit. He decided then not to shower for a couple of weeks before returning to church hoping his body odor would put people off of this notion. Despite the strain it has put on his marital relationship, his wife made him live int he garage during this period; all that happen was it caused the people to praise him and marvel and the severity of his perceived asceticism.

His next ploy to convince people he was not some sort of living saint involved him entering a strip club in front of several notable members of the congregation. All he succeeded in doing was having people want to donate to his ministering to lost sheep of society. In exasperation and fear for his safety Mina K. Mina just stays at home from church, since in this age of social media his notoriety has spread to all the area churches. Even this has made matters worse because Mina’s wife now reports of rumors circulating that either he has gone off into the desert to live as an anchorite or that he was taken up like Elijah.

Apr 16

A fyi Not So Spiritual words has both a Facebook page and Twitter feed both will have have randomly posted exclusive content to each. You can subscribe to each via the the follow us buttons on the sidebar of the blog page or go to the following links:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NotSoSpiritual

Twitter: https://twitter.com/NotSoSpiritual


(Plus if NSSW hits a certain of followers/subscribers et c. we have a special surprise)

Apr 15

So back due to popular demand (yet again) Not So Spiritual Words rises up again to claim it rightful place as the original and best (or so my mommy tells me) Coptic Orthodox humor blog around.

Problem previously has been the lack of sustainability of this blog as a daily blog, its difficult to maintain the quality, which you have to come to love and expect from NSSW. So to that end, the management of Not So Spiritual industries has decided to move to a weekly, possibly biweekly (i.e. twice a week and not every two weeks, I hate the ambiguity of that word and wish fortnight was in more common usage in the US) posting schedule.

So starting tomorrow, the hijinks shall ensue.

Oct 20

You know it was a slow historical news day when you have a synaxarium entry for natural phenomena even more so when its several pages long.

preload preload preload